The Day I Got My Wings…

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I had been a very disturbed teenager. In fact, that was an extension from my childhood. Always in the lookout for something that is not existing. My classmates used to call me a dreamer. My neighbourhood teenagers branded me as “absent minded professor”. I always felt the vacuum in my life for not being able to identify or acquire that aspect of my life that is not even existing. I did not know how to find that. Rather, sometimes I even wondered whether I am seeking the right thing.

My behavior started becoming quite different that I was not able to mingle with kids of my age. I had a very few friends with whom I could share my thoughts. Even within those few friends, I had a very handful number of friends who could partially understand. Some tried to take advantage of me thinking that I am vulnerable and tried to thrust their whims and fancies over me and get their selfishness fulfilled.

No one was able to reach the depth of my thoughts, even I was not able to reach. I just know that I am missing the puzzle, but which one was that was a puzzle by itself.

Life moved on, until I found some amazing answers in a library that my father introduced me too. The seeker’s journey finally started getting meaningful as I walked through the books one by one. Each one just showed the path but took me much far away from the journey. The vacuum started filling more and more as I read more and more books. Each book threw light on my darkest part just to show there is more darkness that needs a torch. Finally, I had set on a journey that took me from one destination to other that contained of multiple confusions.

Life moved on. I grew up with all kids around. But, feeling lonely inwards. I had a lot of friends to count and none can see the deepest longing. Life moved on though.

As a student, I did have enviable accomplishment that attracted more boys and girls towards me. But, I always felt lonely. Being teacher’s favorite to becoming a group leader to class leader and finally the school leader. All those lovely and happy days were there in my kitty to get lost in the fame of popularity. Yet, I was lost. It is indeed a strange situation of life, that I had so many people around me always to listen to what I talk yet, I was alone.

Life moved on. I grew up to be a teenager, the search only got more intense that pushed me to be a rebel at home. I played sports but never was able to indulge into it. Had a plenty of night outs with friends yet was not able to give myself into it.

Somewhere in the corner of my being, an instinct was rendering a message to fly. I wanted to fly. I wanted to break free and fly in the vast ocean of air. I wanted to become a bird. My sorrow intensified because I was tied down to the ground. I did not have the wings to fly. Even I got a wing, how in the world can I fly. I am caught into this human body that does not know to fly. I want to break free from my body so that I can fly high. This urge to fly and not able to succeed caused me more frustration.

I finally thought to operate a flying machine. I wanted to become a pilot. That gave a solace. I told to myself I will someday become a pilot. Only when the reality hit again that I cannot become a pilot, I realised once again I cannot fly. I fell before even taking off into the sky. It truly hurt me. It hurt more than the fall from the sky.

I wanted to break free again. But how. I was clueless. I cannot learn the skills of a bird. I cannot become a pilot as I do not qualify to be a pilot. Finally, I decided to let me be there closer to the flying machines. I applied to join Indian Air Force. This time I was not aware that I would be teared apart from my dear ones. Just the excitement to be near the flying machines, covered my eyes from the reality.

I went ahead to take the toughest walk of my life with a smile not expecting anything but a dream to achieve!

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